I’m so bothered right now. It’s taking everything in me to fight back tears, and I feel like I’ve been in tears all week. If I’m pregnant and that’s why I’m so sensitive, then bring it on, but otherwise, this just sucks (I promise the title of this piece is fitting….wait for it).
So, Tuesday’s are my husband’s day off work. I coach crossfit teens at 4:45, but other than that, I have the whole day off. We also have the kids all day Tuesday through Wednesday afternoon, so it’s a great day for a family day.
Once I was up, I made coffee and breakfast for my husband. I cleaned up the kitchen, made our bed, and put what was in the dryer on one more cycle. My husband asked what plans I had today, to which I replied, only crossfit. When I asked my husband what his plans were, he said that he needed to go to Muscatine (about a 40-minute drive) to pick up a rent payment from our renters.
He proceeded to get in the shower and get ready while I finished picking up here and there. Since it’s rainy and wet outside, I figured I’d plan a museum trip for when my husband got back in town. The Putnam has a CSI exhibit that I thought the boys (and us) would enjoy. So, I started looking it up online to check prices, hours, etc.
My husband picks up his keys and says, “Ok, so do you want me to take one of the boys and leave the other with you, or just take both of them with me?”
Puzzled, I said, “Why would you take either one? Aren’t you just going to pick up the rent?”
He winced his face a bit and said, “Well, not really. I’ll probably have lunch with George and visit my aunt since I haven’t seen her in a while.”
My face wrinkled up too, and I said, “Well, why didn’t you tell me? We could have gone as a family. I figured you’d be back in a few hours, and we could all go to the Putnam.”
He said, “Well, Becky, I don’t always tell you everything.”
…….I won’t tell you what I was thinking in my head at that moment. I said, “Well, can you wait an hour and let me get ready, and we can all go?”
His response: “No, I need to go now. I can’t wait. Do you want one of the boys or do you want me to take them both?”
I said, “Well that sucks………(long pause)……….I don’t like separating the boys. They get bored without each other.” He said, “Fine. I’ll take them both.”
And then he left.
You know how people say that communication is important in marriage! TRUST THEM! So – 1 – my feelings are hurt. I’m alone in the house on a rainy day with nothing to do but laundry and cleaning – great. I just can’t wait! 2 – I’m hurt because he didn’t think about me. He thought about the boys but not me. 3 – I’m hurt because by the time he gets back home, I’ll have to go coach, then when I get home, he’ll be out with the boys (they have karate at 5:30).
My feelings are hurt, and I’m actually really ticked off. But I also know that this is probably a blessing in disguise. So I’m seriously at this moment, trying to talk myself into seeing the blessing. After all, when am I EVER alone? When do I EVER have time to do things for myself? Not often. So – what can I do today? Go shopping (my shorts are bit tight from last summer). Spend time with God (with no interruptions). Meet up with a friend for coffee? Maybe all of the above. Actually, I WILL do all of the above.
Here’s what’s hard about marriage and communication. When do you tell your husband that he’s hurt your feelings? (PS – I don’t have the answer. This is the question I struggle with the most in my marriage). Do we always tell them when they’ve hurt our feelings? Or are there certain times you just move on and don’t say anything? Obviously, it’s selfish to only think about my feelings. Trust me, I see my sin in all of this, too. I got my hopes up to do something and didn’t tell him my plans for us. We both didn’t communicate well. So since I’m at fault too, do I not tell him how hurt I was? This is what makes marriage hard. If you don’t want the past to repeat itself, you’d think you need to say something, but then again, it’s not like you’re going to change your husband. Maybe we’re supposed to let things just fall where they may. I can be hurt for a while, but then I need to move on. Hopefully, my husband will be more sensitive or more considerate in the future, and I will be more forthcoming with my plans. But right this minute, I’m tired of being on the verge of tears, so I’m just going to choose to make the best of my day alone. Here’s to coffee, shopping, and spending time with my Father!
“This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”